Humbly dedicated to:

  • Talcott Parsons

  • Startups

Brando and Marcel were two young omnipotent beings who just graduated from the God College and thus became full-fledged gods. As they finished college they soon found themselves jobless (like any god would). The competition was hard and often if you wanted to find a job in the god business, you needed some heavy connection. Needless to say, Brando and Marcel had none.

What do gods do you ask? Well, they either join an already existing world and they co-manage it or create a new one, of course. It’s exactly the same like in our world – you either join an existing business or you start a new one.

Also, just like in our world, most of the gods who finish college have the knowledge, but lack experience. Unfortunately for Brando and Marcel, they weren’t really active outside the college, they just didn’t feel like volunteer work or internships in world companies were their thing.

“You just end up copying papers and bringing coffee to your boss anyhow.” – Marcel would often say and Brando would often agree.

They preferred to spend their free time drinking and reading philosophy while they were drinking.

But of course, the time of drinking and reading could only last as long their college years lasted as nobody wants to provide for a pair of jobless, teenager gods.

As finding a regular job wasn’t an option anyhow, Brando and Marcel decided to create their own business, that is, they decided to create their own world. Brando was pretty talented when it came to designing and Marcel knew a thing or two about creating a self-sustained community because he had a human farm as a kid. You know, like an ant farm, only with humans – they are really cute and you should check them out when you get the chance.


“Ok Marcel, you’re the guy with the organizing skills, where do we start?” – Brando asked in an attempt to make the initial steps easier for himself.

“How the hell should I know, give me time. You know, instead of bossing me around you should start with the designs for our creatures.” Marcel answered in an attempt to switch the blame of not knowing where to start on Brando.

“Well, I already did. I have made 4 designs until now.”

“4 designs? What can we do with 4 designs, you idiot? Everybody knows you need at least 500 before we can start anything.” Marcel felt like he was winning the psychological battle with this one.

“Why? Because it was always done that way? I was actually thinking our world should be species-minimal. Our world can have only 4 different kinds of species and they can get along just fine.” Although Brando presented it as a suggestion, it was just another excuse he made up second earlier.

“A world with only 4 species? How the hell can that be self-sustainable? Are you saying one species should have plural functionalities? You know how that Earth has it – one function per one species. Plants produce oxygen, animals keep the biological balance, and humans fuck it up now and then just so there’s something to do.”

“Exactly, you mentioned only 3 functions and 3 species, and I already have 4 of them.” Brando said full of pride.

“Idiot, I’ll never understand how you managed to pass the Functionalities Test back in college. These are just the main categories; each of these categories has countless of different species where each one has a tiny, but important role. Together they create this harmony that makes the world self-sustainable. Well ok, humans are all the same, but they don’t matter.” Marcel did his best to explain Brando how the job is done.

“All right, I’ll create more blueprints. But what then?”

“Well… then… then we need to place them in the world and make sure all the species get adapted to the environment. If we’re going to go with one species that has consciousness then we also need to enable them the possibility to create commodities and distribute them amongst themselves. I’m presuming we will have a one conscious species; else, what’s the point? Only a conscious species can create an idea of god in their head and that’s where the points are.”

Brando felt like he was patronized – “Of course I know we need one conscious species! If I remember correctly, I was the one who passed The Basics of World Creating on my first try, not you.”

“Yes, but that was before Mrs. Unoessenza discovered you were cheating. If I also remember correctly, she wasn’t really what you’d call glad about that.”

Brando shrugged: “Yes, true. It’s really hard to hide something from somebody that has 4 arms.”

“It doesn’t matter. Let’s focus on our world. So we need one conscious species. Take the human blueprint and just add another head or something. We don’t want to have copyright problems from the very start.  So after we cover the first step, I guess the next thing we got to do is enable them goals. To be honest I never understood why it has to be so complicated. Ok, you need conscious species, but after you get that, you need to give them meaning and goals in life or else they will just die. What’s next? We need to give them meaning to have meaning in life? If I remember correctly, the second step is done by them creating politics and social objectives. Something like that.” – Marcel felt his god brain was starting to heat faster than a coffee mug.

“Well yeah, and then the third step comes which is really important if I remember. What was it called? Interrogation?”

“Stick to your drawing Brando, it’s integration, not interrogation. But yes, it is an important step. In this step, we need to create harmony between these beings. That’s where religion comes into play and where we start to bring in first worshipers. If everything to this point goes well, we’ll be fine. “ Marcel explained everything perfectly and he was proud of that.

“Oh, I can’t wait for that part. When we get to that point I’ll finally be able to get myself that sky condo I always dreamed about. One room will be for wine, the other for books and the rest… ah, the rest is where the magic will happen.” If a human could see a god’s face, Brando’s face as he was telling this was like a newly born sun.

“Yes, but before your daydreaming turns into reality we have a lot to do. Remember, even if we manage to successfully do the third step, there’s the final fourth step of Latency – the ability to maintain everything. If we don’t manage to integrate that into them, all will be for nothing. Again, complications, complications. They need families, schools, this, that, up, down. God, I hate this.” As Marcel was saying this, Brando’s face turned from looking like a sun to looking like a full trash can.

“Eh, Marcel, what do you say we just go back to drinking and talking? I mean, what’s the worst thing that can happen? What, death?”

They both laughed at that as gods always liked to make jokes about their immortality.

So Marcel and Brando went back to doing nothing in their eternity and that’s why nobody of you ever heard about them. That’s also the reason they no longer exist.

I guess the moral of this story is: “Don’t give up even when you have to deal with humans.”

 Icon Credits: world by Aleksandr Vector from the Noun Project



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s